When I was over weight, I obviously knew that I was over weight, but I don't think that I really saw it in the mirror. I always saw myself as smaller than I really was, and that allowed me to not do anything about it. I would get unpleasant reminders when I needed to buy a new piece of clothing and had a hard time finding things my size, but for the most part, I don't think I really saw it.
I looked in the mirror and saw an athletic build, with too much belly, but an athletic build. I've said it before, but I honestly thought I was just built bigger and that the healthy BMI range for my height was a ridiculous underestimation and wouldn't be achievable. I was strong and saw myself in that light.
Some of this semi-comfort definitely came from the fact that I knew that my family and especially my husband loved me as I was. I'm not sure where else it might have come from, but it was there. It wasn't confidence...far from that. I just didn't see enough of a problem to want to change it.
This distorted body image did nothing for my health, but in a weird way it served me well, in that I didn't hate really myself. I wasn't happy with my body, but I didn't really loath it either.
I looked in the mirror and saw an athletic build, with too much belly, but an athletic build. I've said it before, but I honestly thought I was just built bigger and that the healthy BMI range for my height was a ridiculous underestimation and wouldn't be achievable. I was strong and saw myself in that light.
Some of this semi-comfort definitely came from the fact that I knew that my family and especially my husband loved me as I was. I'm not sure where else it might have come from, but it was there. It wasn't confidence...far from that. I just didn't see enough of a problem to want to change it.
This distorted body image did nothing for my health, but in a weird way it served me well, in that I didn't hate really myself. I wasn't happy with my body, but I didn't really loath it either.
I assumed as I lost weight, that I would either continue to see myself as smaller than I was or start to see myself accurately. I was wrong on both guesses.
It has come as a complete surprise that my self perception has actually done a 180. When I look in the mirror now, most of the time, I don't think I quite see myself accurately. I don't see the old me, but I'm not really seeing the new me yet either. My brain can't compute just how much smaller I've gotten.
Since I've started back to work, every time I hold up my work pants to put them on my brain looks at them and says, "There is no way those are going to fit" and there is still a feeling of surprise when I can not only pull them on higher than my knees, but all the way up and fasten them.
Since I've started back to work, every time I hold up my work pants to put them on my brain looks at them and says, "There is no way those are going to fit" and there is still a feeling of surprise when I can not only pull them on higher than my knees, but all the way up and fasten them.
My husband has taken to calling me Skinny Minnie, people have asked if I'm done losing weight and people have actually used the word skinny, string bean, and tiny to describe me. These are words that never in a million years did I ever think would be used to describe me.
I'm assuming and hoping that as time goes on I'll get more accustomed to this body that I'm walking around in. I had 29 years to get used to that old body. I just need some more time to get used to this one.
I'm assuming and hoping that as time goes on I'll get more accustomed to this body that I'm walking around in. I had 29 years to get used to that old body. I just need some more time to get used to this one.
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