Body Image

Body image is such a weird thing.

When I was over weight, I obviously knew that I was over weight, but I don't think that I really saw it in the mirror. I always saw myself as smaller than I really was, and that allowed me to not do anything about it. I would get unpleasant reminders when I needed to buy a new piece of clothing and had a hard time finding things my size, but for the most part, I don't think I really saw it.

I looked in the mirror and saw an athletic build, with too much belly, but an athletic build. I've said it before, but I honestly thought I was just built bigger and that the healthy BMI range for my height was a ridiculous underestimation and wouldn't be achievable. I was strong and saw myself in that light.

Some of this semi-comfort definitely came from the fact that I knew that my family and especially my husband loved me as I was. I'm not sure where else it might have come from, but it was there. It wasn't confidence...far from that. I just didn't see enough of a problem to want to change it.

This distorted body image did nothing for my health, but in a weird way it served me well, in that I didn't hate really myself. I wasn't happy with my body, but I didn't really loath it either.

I assumed as I lost weight, that I would either continue to see myself as smaller than I was or start to see myself accurately. I was wrong on both guesses.

It has come as a complete surprise that my self perception has actually done a 180. When I look in the mirror now, most of the time, I don't think I quite see myself accurately. I don't see the old me, but I'm not really seeing the new me yet either. My brain can't compute just how much smaller I've gotten.

Since I've started back to work, every time I hold up my work pants to put them on my brain looks at them and says, "There is no way those are going to fit" and there is still a feeling of surprise when I can not only pull them on higher than my knees, but all the way up and fasten them. 

My husband has taken to calling me Skinny Minnie, people have asked if I'm done losing weight and people have actually used the word skinny, string bean, and tiny to describe me. These are words that never in a million years did I ever think would be used to describe me.

I'm assuming and hoping that as time goes on I'll get more accustomed to this body that I'm walking around in. I had 29 years to get used to that old body. I just need some more time to get used to this one. 

I did some food prep to get ready for my return to work this weekend and a few people wanted the recipes that I used, so here they are.

The first recipe came from Trainer Awesome at my gym. I love cabbage rolls but have never made them because the process sounded too daunting. I’ve typed the recipe as I received it, but I changed it some when I made it.

This casserole is YUMMY! and was super easy.

I changed the recipe for two reasons. One, to suit my own tastes, and also because I was making it with the intention of being able to portion and freeze.

My plan was to just double the recipe, so I used 2lbs of ground pork (I much prefer ground pork to ground beef), 2 onions and 3 smallish stalks of celery. I also added 1 orange pepper, chopped, and 6-7 white mushrooms sliced, to the veg.

I didn’t have any version of garlic in the house, so there was none in my casserole. I did use probably 1 1/2 Tbsp of chili powder and maybe 1/2 Tbsp of cumin. I may have added a few shakes of italian seasoning too, but I’m not sure. I’m kind of a just throw it in the pot kind of cook. The spice measurements are very much ballpark...add to your own tastes.

After I sauted the veggies and then added and browned the meat, I cut up my cabbage. I despise our grater and didn’t feel like digging out the food processor for just 1 head of cabbage, so I just quartered it, sliced each quarter in fairly thin strips and cut around the core when I got down to that point.

Once I got one cabbage sliced, I knew that there was no way that everything was going to fit in my cast iron dutch oven baking dish as it was, let alone with doubling the cabbage. I put a layer of cabbage at the bottom of my two biggest baking dishes, covered with meat/veg and then topped with the remaining cabbage. There was no more room for any additional cabbage at that point.

I added about 1 C of vegetable broth to each dish, instead of the water that the recipe calls for.

I covered and baked for what ended up being about 2 1/2 hours.

As they cooked and the cabbage wilted down there was more room in the dishes. I was happy with the ratio of meat to cabbage, but being able to add more cabbage would have lowered the calories per serving. Next time I might try sauteing the cabbage a little before it gets layered in to see if I could get 2 heads of cabbage to fit.

The way I made the recipe yielded 9 portions of about 190g each (I weigh everything...that weight portion fit in my 1 1/4 C containers) and according to my.fitness.pal, this is how the nutritional info breaks down.
276 Calories
15.9g Total Fat
65.4g Cholesterol
125.8 mg Sodium
12.9 g Total Carbs
4g Fiber
7.4g Sugar
20.3g Protein (that one seems a little high to me....maybe? Input anyone?)

I’ve been eating mine with a 1/2 C serving of a 7 grain rice blend. Love it!


Baked Cabbage

1lb extra lean ground beef (or ground meat of your choosing)
1 medium onion, chopped
1 stalk of celery, chopped
3 cloves of garlic
1 tsp olive oil
Salt and Pepper, to taste
1 medium cabbage, shredded
1/2 cup water

Pre-heat oven to 350 F. In a skillet, saute onion and celery, garlic in olive oil until just soft. Add meat, salt and pepper, stir and leave over heat until meat is cooked through. Spread half of the shredded cabbage in a 2 quart baking dish and cover with all of the meat mixture. Add the remaining cabbage. Pour water over top and cover and backe for 1 hour.



The other recipe I made was one that I’ve been making for a few months now, and LOVE! Really easy, and tasty. Gives the chowder taste and texture without cream.

I had never used leeks before I made this recipe for the first time. I love onions but was intimidated by having to clean the leeks. It’s really not that hard and they are really good. This soup is definitely worth the little extra work.

This last time I doubled the cauliflower and used 2 heads, doubled the liquid and was more careful about controlling the heat and retaining as much liquid as I could. With the double cauliflower I got about 10 servings. Each serving is 2 of my soup ladles...probably 1 C total. I haven’t run it through my.fitness.pal with the extra cauliflower, but the original recipe rings up at about 160 calories per serving, without the shredded cheese on top. Sometimes I do add the cheese, but I enjoy it without just as well.


Cauliflower Leek Soup

3 Leeks, light green and white part
1 head of Cauliflower
2 tsp Olive Oil
2 C Water
2 1/2 C Milk
Bay leaf
Salt and Pepper, to taste
3 Tbsp flour

Optional: Shredded Cheese


Cut and clean leeks well. Here is a good video to show you how, if you’ve never used leeks before. (I use the half moon technique)

In a large pot, saute leeks in olive oil until soft.

Cut cauliflower into small to medium sized florets.

When leeks are soft, add cauliflower, water, 2 C milk (I use 1%), bay leaf and salt and pepper. Reduce heat to just a simmer, and cook covered until cauliflower is soft. If the heat is too high the milk will boil over when covered. Just reduce the heat some...if you cook it without a cover you lose a lot of the volume of your soup.

Once cauliflower is soft, combine the remaining 1/2 C milk with the 3 Tbsp of flour in a separate bowl. Add slurry to pot and stir until soup thickens.

Can be served topped with some shredded cheese.



Hopefully you all enjoy these recipes as much as I do. I live in a house of picky eaters, so Hudson is the only other one that will eat these, but that just means they last longer for me! I froze portions of both of these and they thaw well. The soup does end up being a little more watery when it’s defrosted, but not overly so. Still yummy!

Some people also asked about my 'healthier' snacks. The little ziploc baggies in the picture are Pepperidge Farms Barbecue Cracker Chips and Special K Sour Creme and Onion Cracker Chips. When a bag or box of things like that come into the house I pre-portion them by weight. That way I don't sit down and eat the entire box mindlessly. I know they aren't really healthy options but they are enough to satisfy my junk cravings (most of the time) and are a little bit better than actual chips!